Most people who get a chance to feel comfortable talking to me at all seem to share everything. It is remarkable the things people tell me. Especially women. I like talking to women preferentially when I am out at a bar. I don't shun social conversation with men or anything, I am just single and available so I happen to get into a lot of discussions with women.
Sometimes it's even awkward when some designated driver guy's girlfriend is trashed and starts saying "you're cute...I like you...you have good taste in music....you're funny." I am just left to say "thanks, you're too nice...etc." and make a "sorry man" face at her boyfriend. Inevitably he'll take a break and she'll say things like "he's cheated on me a couple of times, but I forgave him...maybe I shouldn't have." It's like I want to say "you're hot and all, but are you trying to get me into a fight?"
Other times people tell me, in plain spoken detail, about their first sexual experience. This is every bit as uncomfortable for me as it should be, though I am kind of used to it. It's the curse of being a truly nice guy. I am not fault-free by any means, just sincere and I think I generally project what and who I really am.
One time a girl oversharing with me told me about how she was fucking three different guys and keeping that from all of them. I was thinking about how it was not her desire for lots of sex that I found objectionable, but her casual ability to deceive others....setting them up for emotional and health risks they did not choose themselves. That was the real immorality I saw. Every guy dreams of a woman with a lot of sexual energy, a great sexual attitude and eagerness.
Later that night, at a bar called DV8 in Salt Lake, (long ago), she actually validated me to another woman. That's an interesting phenomenon. The 3-boyfriend girl saw me flirting with another girl and said "hi ..." [calling me by name]. Even though the girl I was flirting with knew her, didn't like her, considered her a rival...this referral made the girl I was flirting with feel like I was a known and understood quantity. I was "safe". Which led to a lot of good times and a painful drawn out break up as well. It was better....I suppose...to have lived and loved rather than never to have loved.
Being "safe" is a fine thing to be if it gets me what I want, the affection, attention and progress to sexual intercourse with women. I am a person who errs on the side of less aggressive sometimes anyway, and I believe in fairness and equality, mutual respect.
The other day I had a monday off for President's Day. I decided to go out to a local bar/restaurant I have been visiting lately. I was already a little trashy (inebriated)? waiting for my food to show up and a nice kid came over and informed me it was gay night. He pegged me for straight and was very polite and nice.
A few minutes later the nearby tables began filling up with very well dressed men and women who were all gorgeous, beautiful people. These two girls kept making out...in an animated, exhibitionistic way. They writhed together long blonde hair flying with wreckless abandon. It was a funny, delightful and kinda hot sight.
I noticed and smiled at them. I had been staring into my Guinness searching for meaning...rationalizing not spiralling into depression, "like you do". Anyway, the moment they saw they had my attention they got up, left their gay-boy-friends and came over and sat right by me on a chair, with knees sidled up by mine, and made out somemore. They gently moved my hands onto their backs and the one girl said...."feel her breasts, aren't they wonderful?" They were. She was wearing an "anti-gravity" shirt with easy hand-slip access. She swooned dreamily....I think I did too, I said "sweet lovin' lord those are beautiful". You know what I did and I now call this night the soft silky "grapefruit" experience.
I still imagine a news headline "Local Tit-Grabber Increases Female Visits to Area Bars". Right.
They spent the whole evening hanging out with me...putting their hands on mine and casually touching and kissing me often and vice-versa.
Back to being "safe". One girl after kissing me a couple of times just might have noticed my enthusiasm and interest and asked..."so where's your boyfriend?". It kind of struck me...oooooh....I get it...I am allowed to casually touch because they presume it doesn't excite me because I am "safe". Since I was not going to stop this punani train, I just said "I'm single".
One of these girls was "bi" and the other was a broken hearted straight girl (girl as in...in her 20's) who was on the rebound from a break up.
It was fun. It was exactly how I want every night on the town to go. I yearn for the touch, affection, acceptance and intimacy with hot, sweet, nice women. It's why I go out, it's why I exist. I wish that I could go to a place where I can be seen for who I am and still be "safe" enough to be someone with whom attractive women can share affection. The only regret from the evening was the false pretense of being a man alone there on a monday that made them assume I was "safe". Apart from that, If I am getting something I want out of the experience I don't care how a woman defines herself socially.
Being a nice guy can be great at the right time. Much of the time I feel like I should watch the Godfather and Scarface a few times, man up, treat women obliviously so they will respect me (that's how it works right?). I have to admit I don't understand it all, but I want to very much. Of course I am supposed to just live well and not care...and all that without trying at all.
So yah, from now on I am too cool to care, and I am an aloof enigma who doesn't try too hard. I still hope all that gets me chicks....duh.