Visited Utah

Over the thanksgiving weekend I went to Salt Lake City.

I stayed with my friend Jeffrey on the living room floor with one of those real high-tech Swiss Gear mattresses. I figured...I am of Swiss heritage, so Swiss Guy, Swiss watch, Swiss gear. His parents graciously invited me to join them for Thanksgiving dinner. They have a nice formal European dining experience with traditional American holiday food, apart from the excellent German riesling! Mr. Gold is an American and the Mrs. is German so it works out to be a best of both worlds kind of social event. There are always engaging conversations and anecdotes about Utah culture from the former mormon perspective. I call the decor Berlin Art Decco and you take your shoes off at the door. Such a good time.

I met Christy, "the degenerate elite" herself (link at right under "Great Minds"). Unlucky me, she's in a relationship, though our friendly lunch and coffee was like meeting a long time friend. I really like her and I wish I lived nearer to her to be able to enjoy her company more often. She is cool and connected to a good group of people who probably share my perspectives.

While in Utah, I saw my good friend from high school, Shannon. She and her husband are allowing each other to have the occasional night off with friends, which is cool. I am deemed imminently trustworthy, which really makes me feel un-manly, though I stand by my standards. Hey I am not a saint, I only refuse to make the same mistakes over and over again...referring to a few dates I have had with women who were divorced and then turned out only to be "separated". So it goes, sometimes.

I deserve a clean-slate, free-of-all-ties woman. I am not saying she can't have a past or even children, though to me it is simpler not to try to become a step-dad. In a biological way, why should I raise another man's offspring? In a personal way...why can't she just sort things out with their father? Ok, I know it's not always easy or simple. At my tender age it seems a lot of my opportunities (where women find me interesting) are in the "complicated" category.

I love my friend Shannon very much and we always have an incredibly great time when we get a chance to spend some time talking or sharing a meal. It is my sincere hope that she sorts things out with her husband. I have always approved of the guy, he is cool, witty and a nice looking person. They should just get their shit together before a REAL home-wrecker comes along.

I saw my long time crush Melanie who brought a boy to our only romantic date opportunity in years. Oh well. I am a fool for dreaming. I am also a single guy who has about 8 or 9 love interests, so until one gets serious I am a bit girl crazy. I don't understand Melanie. She holds something back from me...maybe many things. She is so retarded for thinking I couldn't handle really knowing who she is. I have known her for 10 years, I am always going to care about her no matter what. I flirt with her because I find her very attractive but I never made "her loving me back" a contingency for caring about her. Silly women, can't they trust? Can't they be truthful, real? I always over-tip her at her night job as a cocktail waitress at a swanky little hip club with great music. I do that because it's the only thing I have enough of to share that she has a hard time rejecting...still she tries to stuff my paper back into my shirt pocket, but my rational arguments usually win: "I know I can't buy your love, and you are due a good tip from time to time".

I had dinner with my friend Jan. She is Bi. Which I think means she wants to marry a man and leave him alone every night while she goes out with chicks! Heheh. I also love her deeply and we always hold hands a lot while we are together. I cannot presume what she could want from me, though I have made a rational decision we are not a good match. I hate to be petty, I just want a heterosexual girlfriend. It is not unreasonable. Maybe I just don't understand anything. I do know I fully enjoy her companionship and it is always great to see her. She is also way way cool, way way smart and way way hot.

So what have I done? Above I mentioned a "date with girl who has a boyfriend", "date with married girl", "date with girl who brought her new boyfriend", "date with girl who likes girls more than me". It's like I am not really trying!

I know why. I am heartbroken from years of strong relationship bonds with about 4 different women (successively) where those ties and bonds eventually broke and left me some of the worst pain I have experienced in life. I am spent! I am just now recovering from my shadows of disillusionment and heartache enough to risk something.

So what did I risk? If I am really going to count a date as an emotional risk it has to be with a woman who is single and available! Why not ask someone out who is known for being a single icon in the dating scene and even makes a living from it!?

I met Sarah Nielson for a drink. I have been in love with women like her all my life. She is smart, cute, funny, witty friendly and seemingly forthright. I really liked her. I was a little nervous when she brought out her writer's pen to note something I had said, though she did not completely blast me in her column "The Dating Years". She insisted on bringing a friend, so I brought a friend along too. It made the situation go from a romantic encounter to a social encounter, though it was still enjoyable and no one was murdered by an evil stranger they just met, which would have been really inconvenient to say the least. Her friend, Maddie, was fun and funny and helped make it a good time.

Sarah was like a bloody mary drink. Warm and delicious yet with a sense that "hey this is made from good ingredients, maybe it's good for me!" At the same time she is just a little salty, though not bitter.

Who am I to think I could be the one man among many who would bring an end to the dating years and win her heart!? Though I did think about it and I still do.

=sw